germ farts

Food is so weird.

I mean, it’s not. We eat other living things that our bodies process as energy, blah blah blah. All organisms ‘eat’ in one form or another.

But the process of food… how did we get here from there?

Take grass. We grow some grass, we pop off the seeds, then take the shells off of those seeds, and we dry them. Oh, and pulverize those seeds into powder.

We’re not done yet! At some indeterminate time later, we add water to the grass seed powder and mix until it’s this gooey, elastic ball. And we add bacteria, too, because hey–bacteria.

Those bacteria eat tiny bits of the gooey, elastic ball and fart out air. We throw the whole ball–germ farts and hydrated seed powder–over or into a fire to give the ball structure.

It’s so weird. Who thought, hey, these seeds are nice and chewy but let’s start doing all this weird stuff to them. Shelling and drying make logical survival sense–grains and legumes alike last longer if they’re properly preserved–but I really want to know the story of yeast. Was it a happy accident? A poisoning attempt gone awry? Aliens? The obligatory ‘invention’ of a time traveler who just really wanted a sandwich, anachronisms be damned?

I think I might stop calling it bread. Germ farts in hydrated seed powder has a much better ring to it, right?

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